For weeks now, the only thing on my mind has been a substitute sofa. My on-line research has taken me to the stock of every single home furnishings shop within just a 100-mile radius, as well as each individual online furniture retailer.

My memory has taken me to revisit every furnishings getting practical experience I have ever had.

They’ve not been the most fulfilling purchasing visits of my daily life.

“Couch” is my first assumed in the early morning and my previous considered at night time. At minimum I’m not dreaming about it . . .

The gigantic retail store appeared to be my “regular” household furniture emporium, but once inside of, I understood it wasn’t the aged experimented with and legitimate hometown small business location.

The showroom was the size of three football fields. Flashing arrows and blinking lights pointed the way to various arrays: children’s household furniture, living room, dining space, everyday, Victorian, bed room, and additional. Curiosity obtained the best of me and I glanced at the children’s home furniture. Every piece had “ears,” unicorn horns, or “Star Wars” characters and symbols.

“Glad I don’t have little ones.” I muttered and searched for the “SEATING” signal.

Aha! A huge array of seating options opened up before me. There were sectionals big adequate to seat 16! (Who has a home that huge?) There had been reclining sofas that ended up too big and unsightly to warrant description.

There were sleep sofas that were practically as unsightly as their reclining counterparts.

There had been dainty minimal chaise lounges that would be perfect as pet perches, but worthless for any person greater than a 4-yr-outdated.

There had been chairs, some of which reclined and had been even uglier than the reclining sofas. There ended up large chairs and minimal chairs, settees and loveseats. Armless sofas, backless sofas, sofas with minimal stick legs, sofas with squatty legs, sofas with tall backs, sofas with brief backs.

And each individual one a single of them was a shade of gray or a hue of purple.

I was starting to get dizzy . . .

The sound of the garbage truck outdoors my window at 4:15 a.m. woke me up, and I was harmless and audio back again in my bedroom, the just one with furniture even more mature than I am and not an “ear” or unicorn horn to be seen.

This insanity experienced absent way too significantly. It was time to individual up to the truth that I would have to muster my courage and head to a community furnishings retailer to opt for a sofa and end this trauma drama.

But 1st, I’d have to get rid of the decrepit, aged, worn-out sofa that had served not-so-nicely for not extensive sufficient. Or ought to I wait around right until I essentially order a couch prior to obtaining the previous one particular eliminated?

Choices, selections. Who knew the approach would choose this long?